Hi everyone! I’m looking forward to the completion of a work-in-process: Getting To Happy. It should be ready for print in December! What a wonderful, fun project. It just keeps getting better.
Here is a partial draft as an introduction. Enjoy! And, keep smiling!
My Loyalty To Happiness
This book is written for me, and offered to you! I find myself struggling when I unconsciously observe situations around me. I often observe sickness, aging, repetitive suffering, misunderstanding, inability to relate in ways that inspire and allow happiness. I know happiness exists eternally somewhere deep inside. I want to revisit my natural inclination to live a happier, more satisfying life. I want to develop physical representations that are pleasing to me by elevating my attitude. I invite you to come along with me. If you are serious about living a happy life, this can be the book to visit often.
I have been told repeatedly that all good things must come to an end. Family members have insinuated that you can’t be happy all the time. Even though I find myself sinking beyond my natural state of happiness, I firmly believe it is always present. It is up to me to allow the frequency that matches happiness. Happiness is my natural state of being. It is possible to live happily ever after. It is possible to conduct myself within certain attitudes that match happiness. There is little to be gained for me to resonate with the lower vibrations of negative thinking. Happiness doesn’t live there. You can disagree with me. You may consider the pursuit of happiness an immature way to approach life. We are free beings capable of choosing any number of thoughts and attitudes. These writings will help you recognize the connection between your thoughts and attitudes, the guiding force of emotional energy and your physical and material outcomes.
I leave the world of happiness whenever I block my natural pathway with negative illusionary thoughts such as irritation, frustration, worry, apprehension, anger and despair. The experience can be like finding myself within a pinball game where my thoughts bounce back and forth against bumper synapses. I may find myself a long way from happiness, when I am comparing myself to family and friends. As I become aware of these thoughts, and reign them in, I can immediately enter the world of satisfaction and peace. When I am not focusing on fears and concerns provided me by the world news, I can immediately enter the world of quiet, cooperation and love.
Happy thoughts cause life-changing, waves of vibration that travel well beyond what I could ever do with actions stemming from duty or guilt. I have taught myself to replace negative words with those that hold positivity. Then any actions will collaborate with joy. Your world will always be what you imagined.
I have always considered myself intuitive. Certain feelings made me think I was receiving cautionary messages from someone who had a bigger vision than I. I would not go into a store when this negative feeling came to me. Or I would choose another campsite when this uneasy feeling came over me. I sometimes would get a hunch about someone.
I understood negative feelings to be messages directing me to avoid certain danger. I imagined that I was being protected. I became apt at recognizing these emotions and responding accordingly.
I was vigilant. I watched for negative emotions. I recoiled and ceased to participate until I could feel better. I was proud that I could recognize these messages and save myself from an unknown fear!
I now realize that these interpretations are not only rescuing me from unhappy situations, they are putting me in a cloister safety zone. I can continue using negative emotions as my personal safety net, but my life becomes narrower and narrower.
Participation is one of my biggest desires. Yet my desires were conflicted by refraining to participate. I needed to take a second look at my attitude.
True or False: Negative emotions send messages of fear-and-flight?
Yes and no. The question is, has this understanding of intuition served me? I can only decide this from looking at my life experiences.
Fleeing more and more opportunities because I feel the “fear emotion” has trended toward isolation and a non-social lifestyle. It has permitted me to write, paint, play music, meditate and enjoy nature. but is this the only lifestyle I want? Don’t I love being and sharing with people?
The flee or non-participation approach seemed to work fine for me at one point in my life. Now it doesn’t.
If I felt a negative emotion when I was invited to a party, I would politely give reasons why I could not go. I read articles that confirmed it was a better idea to Just say no! than to force yourself to do something you didn’t want to do. It was confusing. If I was invited to go on an outing and received a negative emotion, I would not go. If I got an idea to call a friend and a negative emotion came up, I would put off the phone call. I actually believed this would help me. I thought to myself, My timing may be off and it is not a good time to call. I was pretty proud of this intuitive gift of safety.
This approach led down a path where I convinced myself I was predestined to have a more quiet life. This is something I would need to accept. As time went on, friends gave up on me, thinking that I wasn’t interested in them or what they did. I had little idea that this approach was leading to the opposite lifestyle that I desired.
And here is wherein the premise is faulty for me. There is more lovely and luscious life to experience! I am tending more toward the belief it is possible to be safe, enter into unknown situations, and interpret your uneasy emotions as Please take a second look! It could hold the kind of adventure you are looking for. I now am moving ahead into new spheres of my life. How this will happen? Life experiences are my only way of knowing.
Life experience tells me that I can participate by changing my point of talking about a situation or thinking about a situation. Life experience tells me that there is always time to stop and listen to the thoughts that feel bad. When I hear the thoughts, I have the opportunity to see through different eyes. In changing my thoughts to a more comfortable, positive attitude about my situation, I change my situation… every time!
So, the way I was thinking of a friend who I wanted to call but didn’t, was triggering an uneasy feeling. I realized I was thinking I might be bothering my friend so I didn’t call. I consciously changed my thoughts to I always am a loving person and my friends feel good when I call . Now it is easier to call. Now I have something to give.
I know that my attitude can change my ability to see what is in front of me. Attitudes are like great, magical glasses. They can change the look of anything! …and instantly! My cautionary feelings are alerts to look at things in a new light. You never know what you will see differently. You never know what can develop within one day when you take second and third looks!
I hope these words are helpful to you and look forward to hearing about your attitude perspectives. Today is a good day to have a good day!
Happy Friday! Hope you enjoy the adventure of life today!
The video contains repetitive thoughts. It is one thing to know something and another to act on it. We can increase our level of happiness by relying on our feelings for direction and then acting on it.
What if you think of love as an energy force that mirrors whatever it hears from you? What if you think of love as an energy force that is as close to you as you are to yourself?
You use a heart drawing as a symbol of love. I heart you. Everyone recognizes its meaning.
The heart has been beating ever since it became a heart. It continually beats without stopping until the day you leave your body. This symbol of love reminds you that life is constantly working in the background and constantly available to you.
When you do not understand how life works, you can become confused and feel like a leaf whirling about in the wind. Yet the energy of love continues to beat within every situation at hand. Because love is non-physical it has the power to expand and duplicate situations that match your desires. If you run, your heart beats faster. If you go to sleep your heart beats to a slower pace. Love expands all physical situations and is attentive to whatever direction you wish to take. You may think you want to be happy, but your inner conversation complains about this or that. These complaints are heard and activated. Your complaints are what love expands for you. Is this something you have ever thought about?
You may not be aware of this interpretation. I hope it is helpful to you. You may not be aware that love gives you whatever you want! Now that you are aware, be careful about what you ask for in you thoughts and conversations. And, what about complaining? When you complain you send requests that say you want to experience what the complaint looks like.
This sense of expanding seems like something new, You find yourself in a situation you do not like and you become frightened by the situation. You become more and more concerned and the situation seems to get worse. More things happen that make you frightened.
Example One: You find that your coffee machine is broken. It makes you clearly upset because you won’t have your coffee before leaving for work. You begin to feel bad about your whole life. While you get dressed, you remember how unlucky you are that you never have won the lottery. It’s a recurring thought and it seems perfectly normal to have this thought as you get ready for work. You go into your closet and feel you can’t find a thing to wear! You walk out to the car and step in a muddy puddle. You say, Well, that’s just fine! I’m a total failure!. You go in and clean up your shoes, and your internal conversation goes on. You think about how your mother told you how careless you are. You begin to believe her. You stand up, look at the clock on the stove and see you are running 15 minutes late. How did that happen?! Can’t I even keep track of time. No wonder I don’t get promotion! You get in and start the car, and drive to the end of the street. Sure, the traffic light can’t even help me! you yell. It appears that the light is stuck! You wait and wait and wait! …and feel miserable!
Example Two: You find that your coffee machine is broken. You are surprised, but you are trained to STOP and PAUSE. You look out the window and see the beautiful sunshine and watch a bird pecking around in your garden. You look back at the coffee machine and remember it appears broken. You then remember that you have a French Press somewhere in the cupboard. You get some water to boil. You begin to feel that this day is going to be a fun adventure. You remember how much you love French Press coffee, and now have this opportunity. While you wait for the water to boil, you finish dressing and think about how much you love the outfit you’ve put together. You turn on some music, put the water into the French Press, squeeze the grounds and enjoy the aroma of the coffee. Everything good always happens to me! you hear yourself say. You put your coffee into a traveling mug and head for the door. You feel great and enjoy the front yard You see the mud puddle and miss it entirely. You drive with ease and care. You are ready to stop at the traffic light, but it continues to be green. You begin to think about work and how you can make it a better place today! There’s a parking place right in front of your workplace, and you weren’t even looking for one. Life is always great for you!
These examples demonstrate how the energy of love expands and contracts according to your thoughts. Change always matches your inner conversations, your inner attitudes, your fears and your confidence. If you have been following these blogs, you know things are going to continue to expand in a direction that of your thoughts. Your love energy is matching your internal conversation just as it matches the beating of your heart when you are running or sleeping.
You may have been threatened by the expansion and contractions of situations Up to now, you may have become fearful of bad situations and changes in your life.
How can we handle the fear of change?
Previously we have talked about listening to our emotions.
You can first STOP/PAUSE and look away to something more pleasing, then look back at the changed situation with new eyes. Unless there is a true life/death situation, you do not need to react immediately. And, you never need to give into negative impulses.
Ask yourself, how will this situation change with negative attitudes? if I allow negative impulses to direct me, how will I ever get out of this situation? You are in a world where the basis of who you are matches your every thought. When you don’t like something, STOP/PAUSE. Then ACCEPT THE SITUATION. Accept it as a mirror of what you’ve been thinking about lately. Make a note to change your way of complaining or talking or thinking. Start looking at a brighter side of life and brighter situations will naturally follow.
When you begin to experiment with this basic idea, you will see just how futile it is to place blame on others. You are free to suffer and you are free to flourish. Negative thoughts can only produce negative situations. Positive thoughts can only produce positive situations. …. Something to think about today.
It is so easy to speak and write about choosing happy thoughts. Then a situation arises that clashes with my current direction. A rude remark, an oversighor an interruption leading to a misunderstanding. My state of mind then depends on the level of self-confidence that allows an unwanted situation to be brushed off or solved and forgotten
Just how happy am I? The answer: as happy as I can heed my own words and return often to a consciousness of happiness. I understand that happiness is always available but so often I loose my confidence in locating it when my situation presents as an irritant. How do I develop this confidence to withstand these irritant situations?
It is impossible to cultivate the skill of self-confidence without putting it into action. Did I think it was an inherent trait? It may have been at one time. It may have been, before I allowed others: parents, siblings, friends, teachers, church reps, government reps, news reps, heroes and just about anyone who was not me, dictate the direction I should take at any given moment. When I put my voice second to others. And when others scolded me for listening to my inner guidance and not theirs
My confidence seemed to rise temporarily when it was in agreement with the thoughts of the person I was with. I struggled in stating my unique perspective. I was seldom in contact with who I was and what my thoughts were. And when my statement came out in a group, it came in the form of an argument. It was often an offensive stance that was not readily accepted, probably because the tone was not understood. Over the years my skill diminished and refused to serve me in the tamest of gatherings.
But have no fear; it is not a gloomy picture at all. It is the gold lessons of experience. I like to practice and expand many skills. Confidence nudges me daily to move about with, well, confidence! And by utilizing this skill I am making many discoveries about this adventure called life, ad communication There is still much to learn I will be staying around for a while longer!
Today’s objective is to practice confidence by responding to my thoughts. I am determined to be my best friend today. Self-confidence is a skill I can use to discover my best self, my best life. I am on to something major! Thank you for sharing in this day’s journey with me and I hope these words are helpful for you!
Up to now, I was uncomfortable with people giving me advice! I still have that little toddler living within me, I want to do it myself! attitude. I stopped listening when I heard someone tell me what I should do. Up to now, I have not liked people assessing me. It has made me feel uncomfortable and I closed my ears to remarks from these people as quickly as I could to protect myself.
Of course, I am not particularly aware that I am judging others or, as I like to say assess,ing, situations and people around me. I was taught from a young age to be discerning: to judge whether it is safe or when is it foolish to proceed. Opinions on how I view better ways of doing things, roll off my tongue. This ability to judge can be to my advantage. It can also become a roadblock to any happy, working relationship.
Families talk about other family members all the time. They assess each other’s well-being, or lack of it. They might not label these conversations as judgmental, but judgments are made. Many offer advice stemming from their judgment. They do this out of love, of course. Unfortunately, these good intentions can lead to hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and moments of asking forgiveness. When people give you advice don’t you notice that sometimes you can become defensive and hurt, without even realizing it? Do you ever feel like they have underestimated your abilities? Or, do you feel the friend you thought you had does not even know you? Advice-giving is a tricky thing.
Perhaps we cannot stop people from giving us advice, as they offer judgement to the soundness or insanity of our actions. Yet if we are willing to be less defensive when advice comes our way, we can benefit in ways we could never benefit alone. Perhaps deep down we know this.
Those who judge us, do so in light of their own perceptions. This is especially true when they are specific to you. The advice-givers are unique, and that means different from who you are. It is helpful to remember that they cannot see your reality from your eye level. And here lies the potential for conflict and misunderstanding. When your family or friends share their point of view, you may feel that you are asked to accept the advice in its totality regardless of whether you agree. You may interpret these remarks to be a kind of intervention, an ultimatum. This is where the defense conflict begins.
A well-meaning friend or family member makes a comment and you respond by defending yourself. The advisor then becomes frustrated that their comments are taken in such a negative light. The conversation heightens as you quickly reject the intended gift. You see their frustration and escalate their advice to a level of an insult. As each continue to exchange words, it becomes apparent that the subject needs to be changed. The advise-giver is distressed as well as the recipient So what can you do to accept insights without conflict? Oh, oh, here is my advice:
Can you accept that others share from their present personal situation? A person usually reacts to your apparent cry for help, by watching your body, your body language, and so much more! To complicate matters, the one who is sharing advice may be speaking after having had a stressful day themselves, and may be surprised by your sudden cry out for help. The advisor may be in the supportive let’s fix it mode and is giving the best shot at fixing your present problem. And here lies additional challenges.
If you take the advice in its totality and follow it without question, you are disconnecting from the one who knows the most about how to make the fix, and that is yourself! Immediately, you will feel the emotions of the disconnect. And it doesn’t feel good.
Disconnecting from self shows itself in uneasy feelings, like despair, weakness, anger, fear, guilt, impatience, etc.
Acting out of negative feelings, usually brings you to your imagined defensive knees of separation, and the conversation goes to areas of conflict that were never intended.
If you can take a step back and pause when someone offers advice, you will realize
You complained of something in your life and sounded like you could use some help. You asked for help.
There may or may not be gold in the advice that is given. That is up to you to discern.
Whether advice was delivered loudly or softly, awkwardly or with finesse, there may be value hidden within. Statements may sound like:
You shouldn’t be thinking about spending money on big projects now!, or
Here’s something I learned about financially planning for future surprises. If you like, I can share some articles with you.
These comments are still from the advisor’s point of view. They are given to you from their hearts but it is always from their perspective.
Accept the assessment at face value. Thank you, I will consider your comments carefully.
Remember that when someone gives suggestions about how to run your life situations, your ego translates what is said. You may be fighting the memories of years with parent’s rules and over-protectiveness. Your friend’s advice may be complicated by you with feelings of parental defensiveness. When this occurs you cannot hear the attempt to share goodwill now in the present moment. You may be triggered to interrupt and fight back.
When you understand you are a complex human being with a history, you will stop, pause, breathe and appreciate the opportunity of the present moment before reacting.
A remark that can provide a good atmosphere of interchange could be: I love that you care enough to say this. You are a good friend.
If you find yourself arguing, explaining why you don’t need to do whatever is advised, you are in a parent/child-relationship moment. This realization may be embarrassing to you. It is what it is. Step back and reconnect with the beautiful positive person you are. Change your attitude to allow the your way of relating to an adult-to-adult conversation.
You’ve heard it before, don’t take it so personally. Try to sort through advice like you would sort through a smorgasbord of goodies. Some are not to your liking; some are. It is for your pleasure to take whatever is helpful and let go of what is not, with gratitude, with whimsy and delight.
There are times when you may want to hide from others. It is uncomfortable to defend against what we perceive as attacks of judgement. We can easily become fearful of assessments that judge our appearance, our actions, our achievements or lack of achievements.
If you continually hide, you may miss out on a robust view of life. Opinions from loved ones can be an opportunity to see beyond your view. Remember, you don’t have to take advice in its totality or at all. But listening through you heart can be an enlightening experience. What do you think? Is it better to hide out away from advice-givers or is it more helpful to listen carefully and see what parts fit and what parts of the advise can be dismissed.
Accept the love that is intended for you when people share their opinions. You may be able to appreciate each time family or friends try to help. Enjoy open communication and allow your personal expansion. Receiving advice can be beneficial after all!