Self-Confidence – string of consciousness

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

4374CEE8-22C0-499A-8DF6-B9F0EA5CA541It is so easy to speak and write about choosing happy thoughts. Then a situation  arises that clashes with my current direction.  A rude remark, an oversighor an interruption leading to a misunderstanding. My state of mind then depends on the level of self-confidence that allows an unwanted situation to be brushed off or solved and forgotten

Just how happy am I?  The answer:  as happy as I can heed my own words and return often to a consciousness of happiness. I understand that happiness is always available but so often I loose my confidence in locating it when my situation presents as an irritant. How do I develop this confidence to withstand these irritant situations?

It is impossible to cultivate the skill of self-confidence without putting it into action. Did I think it was an inherent trait? It may have been at one time.  It may have been, before I allowed others: parents, siblings, friends, teachers, church reps, government reps, news reps, heroes and just about anyone who was not me, dictate the direction I should take at any given moment. When I put my voice second to others.  And when others scolded me for listening to my inner guidance and not theirs

My confidence seemed to rise temporarily when it was in agreement with the thoughts of the person I was with. I struggled in stating my unique perspective. I was seldom in contact with who I was and what my thoughts were. And when my statement came out in a group, it came in the form of an argument.  It was often an offensive stance that was not readily accepted, probably because the tone was not understood. Over the years my skill diminished and refused to serve me in the tamest of gatherings.

But have no fear; it is not a gloomy picture at all.  It is the gold lessons of experience. I like to practice and expand many skills. Confidence nudges me daily to move about with, well, confidence!  And by utilizing this skill I am making many discoveries about this adventure called life, ad communication  There is still much to learn  I will be staying around for a while longer!

Today’s objective is to practice confidence by responding to my thoughts. I am determined to be my best friend today.  Self-confidence is a skill I can use to discover my best self, my best life. I am on to something major!  Thank you for sharing in this day’s journey with me and I hope these words are helpful for you!

For the love of Mother’s Day

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

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Love expands.  It is movement, change, rearrangement and development. Love can withstand heat and cold, and when it does, it can change everything within and around it.  Love can soar above, below and within.  Love exists before, during and after our time here on earth.  Love is a good word we can use to hold everything together and apart. When I allow and trust in the dynamic nature of love, I am in awe.

Mother’s Day is fast approaching and I have these thoughts in relation to my conception of love.  Everyone has a mother, living or not, living locally or separated for whatever reason.  Usually we hear stories about how selfless our mothers were and how much of themselves.they gave to us.  We dutifully send our words and tokens of appreciation for their life of sacrifice. If we currently don’t get along with our mothers, or even if we do, we may feel discomfort and confusion with this day.  It may be even harder for those of us whose mother has passed away. We may wish to avoid Mother’s Day altogether.

A new attitude towards our concept of mothers may be able to help. A new attitude may permit everyone to celebrate with ease!  How do mothers think about themselves?

Do mothers  think about their state of motherhood as sacrifice, as selflessness?. I wonder if mothers have any time to think about themselves as an object of reverence, an idol of sorts. I wonder if mothers are comfortable with these misleading comments in greeting cards and news stories about mothers. Mothers are pretty busy just  being and doing and occasionally, sleeping!  They have learned that the less they think of themselves as beings who have been placed on pedestals, and more like human beings who enjoy the ups and down of their family, they flourish happily and with more ease.

I have experienced motherhood and grand motherhood . I don’t think it is at all helpful for me to think about my life as a mother in terms of selflessness.  For me, motherhood is  the vivid participation in movement, development, and growth in family living that makes me especially appreciative of being a mother.

This expansion and engagement of spirit makes motherhood so desirable. Love energizes us to go beyond what we imagined we could do.  Love moves us forward and outward.  Love creates.  Love enjoys.  Love continues to breathe  even when things appear stressful.  Love takes the higher view or sometimes appear to take no view at all as it mysteriously unfolds to new possibilities.

For me, motherhood has always been the privilege of participation.  It is delight in playing with Life itself, the planning and executing, the meltdowns and the ah-ha moments.

Whether you have been a mother or not, this year Mother’s Day can be a celebration for mothers and for children.  Yes, it singles out one player in the family, but hopefully, it can be a celebration of how love can expand our relationships beyond what we thought.  Hopefully it will be a time to listen and share with our mothers, in person or in thoughts. Ease up on the one-line speeches that can cut off the loves energy.  Instead, enjoy interaction with the family you are with, just the way they are now!  Whatever you presently feel about your own mother, take time to celebrate the current of love that continues to hold all of us together!

There is nothing better than to create!

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

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The Joy Of Moving On A Dream

Creating out of nothing is as close to the concept of God as anyone can get!  Sure we need to support ourselves financially.  But wake up!  Look at your age and know if you are fortunate enough to be reading this blog in the comfort of your home , beautiful sunshine or warm office, you have been supported by something more than downtrodden, hard work!

When you are awake enough to let go of worry, doubt and what you think others will think of you, life becomes a quiet satisfying experience.  Listen to what I have to say.

Every day, I wake up and say, hello,  to the world I am in and anyone I am lucky enough to be with.  I don’t always remain in that beautiful spirit, but I always begin with the peace of a newborn day!  I very much try not to think in terms of worry and concern, but rather anticipation and confidence.  I definitely don’t read the news!

I don’t know how I will create on this day, and in the non-knowing, the unknowing, I am cushioned in peace.  I do not know what words are going to fill this page even now.  But I am open to the ideas that will come to me.  I enjoy the flow of words that are coming to me. The words delight me as much as they delight you.  It is a dance with my best self and your best self.  It is pure joy.

This month I retired from a 29-year stint with a company I was passionate about.  I treated it as my own company and urged employees to do the same.  I still have a few twinges of wanting to hold on, but mostly I am gracefully letting go.  And, in the letting go, I am creating — yes, creating — a beautiful new company, called A Wise Solution.

A Wise Solution will have a presence on the internet in May, a week away!  In the last months, it has evolved into a writer and communication consultant company.  I have divided my focus into three areas:  Business Owners and Managers, Potential Business Owners, and Job Seekers.  The evolution has been a delightful experience. There is an amazing about of creativity going on to lay a strong foundation.  One-step-at-a-time has been an important part of my peace. I have learned so much in such a short time.

Here are five lessons I have learned

  1. I have the potential to choose joy over despair!  It is up to me!
  2. All doors open to me! — when I allow myself to see them.
  3. Confidence can always get through when doubt is silenced.
  4. Believing is essential to finding myself
  5. Love is who I am

I hope these lessons help you navigate through your day.  I used to tell my staff to expect presents throughout the workday.  The presents were not coming from me, but from the life experiences of the day.  They were hidden.  Their job was to discover the hidden presents that would be present when talking to co-workers and patients.  I would sometimes stop a staff member at the end of the day and ask if they found their presents!  Pretty silly boss, I suppose, but it was amazing the events they recounted.  It made for happy days of employment.  We choose how imprisoned in worry, conflict and sadness we would be each day.  We can choose how free we can be also.  It really is how we look at things.  Great luck finding the brighter side of your life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is it about receiving advice?

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

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Up to now, I was uncomfortable with people giving me advice!  I still have that little toddler living within me, I want to do it myself! attitude.  I stopped listening when I heard someone tell me what I should do.  Up to now, I have not liked people assessing me.  It has made me feel uncomfortable and I closed my ears to remarks from these people as quickly as I could to protect myself.

Of course, I am not particularly aware that I am judging others or, as I like to say assess,ing, situations and people around me.  I was taught from a young age to be discerning: to judge whether it is safe or when is it foolish to proceed. Opinions on how I view better ways of doing things, roll off my tongue.  This ability to judge can be to my advantage.  It can also become a roadblock to any happy, working relationship.

Families talk about other family members all the time.  They assess each other’s well-being, or lack of it. They might not label these conversations as judgmental, but judgments are made.  Many offer advice stemming from their judgment.  They do this out of love, of course.  Unfortunately, these good intentions can lead to hurt feelings, misunderstanding, and moments of asking forgiveness. When people give you advice don’t you notice that sometimes you can become defensive and hurt, without even realizing it?  Do you ever feel like they have underestimated your abilities?  Or, do you feel the friend you thought you had does not even know you?  Advice-giving is a tricky thing.

Perhaps we cannot stop people from giving us advice, as they offer judgement to the soundness or insanity of our actions. Yet if we are willing to be less defensive when advice comes our way, we can benefit in ways we could never benefit alone.  Perhaps deep down we know this.

Those who judge us, do so in light of their own perceptions. This is especially true when they are specific to you.  The advice-givers are unique, and that means different from who you are. It is helpful to remember that they cannot see your reality from your eye level.  And here lies the potential for conflict and misunderstanding.  When your family or friends share their point of view, you may feel that you are asked to accept the advice in its totality regardless of whether you agree.  You may interpret these remarks to be a kind of intervention, an ultimatum. This is where the defense conflict begins.

A well-meaning friend or family member makes a comment and you respond by defending yourself. The advisor then becomes frustrated that their comments are taken in such a negative light. The conversation heightens as you quickly reject the intended gift. You see their frustration and escalate their advice to a level of an insult.  As each continue to exchange words, it becomes apparent that the subject needs to be changed. The advise-giver is distressed as well as the recipient  So what can you do to accept insights without conflict?  Oh, oh, here is my advice:

  1. Can you accept that others share from their present personal situation?  A person usually reacts to your apparent cry for help,  by watching your body, your body language, and so much more!  To complicate matters, the one who is sharing advice may be speaking after having had a stressful day themselves, and may be surprised by your sudden cry out for help.  The advisor may be in the supportive let’s fix it mode and is giving the best shot at fixing your present problem.  And here lies additional challenges.
    1. If you take the advice in its totality and follow it without question, you are disconnecting from the one who knows the most about how to make the fix, and that is yourself!  Immediately, you will feel the emotions of the disconnect. And it doesn’t feel good.
      1. Disconnecting from self shows itself in uneasy feelings, like despair, weakness, anger, fear, guilt, impatience, etc.
    2. Acting out of negative feelings, usually brings you to your imagined defensive knees of separation, and the conversation goes to areas of conflict that were never intended.
    3. If you can take a step back and pause when someone offers advice, you will realize
      1. You complained of something in your life and sounded like you could use some help.  You asked for help.
      2. There may or may not be gold in the advice that is given.  That is up to you to discern.
      3. Whether advice was delivered loudly or softly, awkwardly or with finesse, there may be value hidden within.  Statements may sound like:
        • You shouldn’t be thinking about spending money on big projects now!, or
        • Here’s something I learned about financially planning for future surprises.  If you like, I can share some articles with you.
      4. These comments are still from the advisor’s point of view.  They are given to you from their hearts but it is always from their perspective.
  2. Accept the assessment at face value.  Thank you, I will consider your comments carefully.
    1. Remember that when someone gives suggestions about how to run your life situations, your ego translates what is said.  You may be fighting the memories of years with parent’s rules and over-protectiveness.  Your friend’s advice may be complicated by you with feelings of parental defensiveness.  When this occurs you cannot hear the attempt to share goodwill now in the present moment.  You may be triggered to interrupt and fight back.
    2. When you understand you are a complex human being with a history, you will  stop, pause, breathe and appreciate the opportunity of the present moment before reacting.
    3. A remark that can provide a good atmosphere of interchange could be:  I love that you care enough to say this.  You are a good friend. 
    4. If you find yourself arguing, explaining why you don’t need to do whatever is advised, you are in a parent/child-relationship moment.  This realization may be embarrassing to you. It is what it is.  Step back and reconnect with the beautiful positive person you are.  Change your attitude to allow the your way of relating to an adult-to-adult conversation.
    5. You’ve heard it before, don’t take it so personally.  Try to sort through advice like you would sort through a smorgasbord of goodies.  Some are not to your liking; some are.  It is for your pleasure to take whatever is helpful and let go of what is not, with gratitude, with whimsy and delight.

There are times when you may want to hide from others.  It is uncomfortable to defend against what we perceive as attacks of judgement.  We can easily become fearful of assessments that judge our appearance, our actions, our achievements or lack of achievements.

If you continually hide, you may miss out on a robust view of life.  Opinions from loved ones can be an opportunity to see beyond your view.   Remember, you don’t have to take advice in its totality or at all.  But listening through you heart can be an enlightening experience. What do you think?  Is it better to hide out away from advice-givers or is it more helpful to listen carefully and see what parts fit and what parts of the advise can be dismissed.

Accept the love that is intended for you when people share their opinions.  You may be able to appreciate each time family or friends try to help.  Enjoy open communication and allow your personal expansion.  Receiving advice can be beneficial after all!

Eight ways to live within your dreams

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

All of us have dreams.  They come with anticipation but can also come with doubt and fear.  Fear can hold dreams from becoming reality indefinitely.  How you live with your dreams, makes or breaks a level of happy creation.  This article is written to explore ways to live with and within the dream process.:

  1. Know that a dream already has the power to exist in your life! For instance, you may wish for a new car when your old car keeps breaking down. This becomes your dream. It holds the reality of a new car. The dream is as sure to become a reality in your life as an acorn has the power to become an oak tree.  So, why are dreams sometimes so elusive?  Can it be that we keep the dream from naturally developing?  I think this is possible.  An acorn is pretty small compared to an oak tree.  So is the dream of a new car, or at least your perception of getting a new car.  I believe that dreams have every component necessary to emerge into our reality unless we get in the way by trying to control it through our egos. As an ego gets involved, (and it will always try), it introduces doubt, a need for control over this thought process. An ego is capable of introducing separation from the dream, even conflict.  An ego pretends to want this dream but insists it can only be achieved through hard, unhappy work.  An ego can hold the dream away from blossoming. An ego introduces pseudo-happiness, the illusion of winning against great odds.  In its conflict, this ego separates us from others as it suggests that we are alone. It may suggest a need to right a wrong in order to make a dream come true.  We can be unaware of the daily doses of news stories that feed our egos..  We may read an article that states this is not a good time to buy a car. If you believe this might be true, you will not fulfill this dream to own a new, safer car. You may believe yourself to be wise in choosing to put off the purchase, but when the car breaks down again, you feel a sense of hopelessness and anger at your plight.  The ego gets in the way of connecting with your natural happy state.  Letting go of control and feelings of intense achievement is the first challenge in living within dreams.
  2. Play with your dream.  Daily pretend the dream has already come true. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a new car?  This is a fine way to play with your dream.  Summon up feelings by thinking about how nice the new smell feels or about how much fun it would be to listen to your music in new and fun ways.  You feel the power of the new car’s gadgets and safety features. It feels so good!  Think about the car with whimsy.  It becomes a fun dream to visit every day.   The dream itself brings with it many happy days of anticipation. You feel so much fun and satisfaction at the thought of the dream, you enjoy the anticipation just as much as you enjoy the end product. You may come up with ideas about visiting a couple of car dealers in person or on-line and playing with colors, styles, and other features.  The playful anticipation of the new dream is just as important as the dream itself.  When you think about it, it’s really not the dream that is so impressive, it’s the way we think about the dream that connects us to happy.  If dreams give us unhappy feelings of lack, uncertainty, anxiety, etc., you can be sure we are very far away from the dream that is waiting to show itself as a car.
  3. Stop talking about dreams as solutions to your problems. You might hear a child whine, I really, really want this toy!  I really, really, really NEED this toy! We may have an inner child whining about what we perceive as a dream or wish.  My car is so unsafe, we complain to our friends.  I really wish I had the money to buy a new car.  The complaining about the car can turn into conversations about how unlucky we are, or how we don’t understand why some people can buy new cars every couple of years and we can’t even afford another used car  If not checked we can complain indefinitely about the car dream.  We don’t realize that it is the complaining that holds dream from ever coming true.  Use your conversations to support your dream by talking about feelings that are already a daily reality because of the car dream..
  4. Let the dream grow naturally.  Give into and take for action ideas about getting the car as they come with ease.  Appreciate that you are not creating the dream all by yourself, but sharing it with people who have already made your car. They have dreams of selling the car.  Your dream and theirs will harmonize, making beautiful music of life!.  The dream already has been created for you to enjoy.  Enjoy the way the dream becomes more and more real for you each day.  Talk to others about how much fun you are having as you explore the kind of car that’s coming your way.  If you are smiling when you think or talk about your new car, you are letting the dream grow naturally.  Your feelings are the sunshine of the dream. There is nothing you need to do except be present — happily!
  5. Be open to the development of your dream  You may find that your initial picture of a car changes as you enjoy, explore and discover new features that you previously did not know existed.  If these new discoveries begin to give you financial or other concerns, gently stop and look for discoveries that give you a happier feeling. Here’s an example in my life.  When it was time to purchase a new car, I thought I wanted a convertible.  I chose one great-looking convertible and dreamed about it on-line and called dealers.  I chose colors and felt the wind blowing in my hair.  I loved that it had a hard top that mechanically opened from inside the trunk.  The car itself looked so good to me.  But I never was inclined to move toward purchasing the car.  I received emails with special deals.  It did not inspire me to purchase.  I kept feeling that I was too exposed in a convertible.  I am not the kind of person who wants to create a spectacle for others.  But I still wanted all the feelings that the convertible held for me.  I eventually chose a car that had the great feelings held by the old convertible car.  The car I finally chose, held all of these feelings and so much more.  It was not only fully equipped, it had a sun-roof that reached back to the 2nd row of seats.  It represented a convertible to me but it was now my private convertible.  Its the feeling that can help you appreciate the fact that dreams lead to a connection to our truest nature of well-being.  If we find we are anxious or stubbornly working to get the dream, we are actually blocking the dream.
  6. Uplift your attitude away from a dreamless life.  All of us have dreams.  Many of us try to fight the urge to believe in dreams and try life with a more realistic approach:  no dreams, no disappointment.  This attitude draws just that:  a dreamless life.  Nothing special.  Every day like every day.  No celebration.  Getting along.  A living sleeper.  A we never win, attitude.  If you can change and uplift this attitude toward a “might happen or a wouldn’t this be fun if”  attitude, things can brighten up immediately
  7. Bravely walk toward and into your dream  When you want a dream to come true, you have to be willing to change from your current situation.  You need to leave behind thoughts of what was just a moment ago.  This takes constant vigilance.  You have to stop and leave behind thoughts like, I just want to get a new car, so I’m not asking my brother to pick me up all the time.  Or, I’m sick of getting a used car and having it break down! Or, Who do I think I am, having a new car!  What will my family think about me?  Will they think I am financially irresponsible?  These, and similar thoughts, can keep you in a holding pattern.  When you can become aware of these self-defeating thoughts and you can dismiss them, you can begin to bravely walk towards and into your dreams with better ease.  You will remember that dreams already have the power to exist.  We need only find ways to receive the dream.
  8. Accept your dream knowing there is another dream just behind this one! When you bring home the car, you may have a few days and weeks to smell the new interior and enjoy the newness of the car.  It’s so much fun!  You may be able to appreciate and enjoy it as a symbol of how your dream developed into reality.  In this way, the newness and satisfaction can remain for a long time.  In the meantime, however, if you become more conscious of your life, you will notice that another dream is showing itself.  This time you may have a dream to get a new job, or meet new people, travel to a far away land, or add an extension to your home.  As you become aware of the affect dreams have on your life, you will move away from negative thinking, from doubt.  You will appreciate the role dreams play in helping you grow in wisdom, love and peace.  This is a hint of things to come.

It is helpful for me to write and explore my understanding of dreams and the state of on-going happy creation.  I hope these thoughts are helpful for you like wise..

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Improving Your Thought Process

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

Quiet Acceptance

Can we really train our thought process?

Since writing Creating Thoughts That Serve You!, I have been more aware of the thoughts that are going through my head.  At first it was a little shocking .  I consider myself to be one of the most positive people in the world.  Yet here I was, thinking thoughts of how people don’t want to be around me.  Pretty silly huh?

Not really.  The untended mind’s thoughts are free to roam around to any subject or replay any past experience  unless I reign them in.  I could think of thoughts as horses.  Wild horses.  Brilliant and beautiful wild horses.

I can make friends with a horse and gently train her to serve me.  I can eventually guide her toward an adventure along the mountain  narrow paths of Yosemite.  In this way the horse serves me.  Similarly, thoughts can be gently trained each day to serve.  Who knows where that might lead to.  Who knows where my thoughts might take me?

Three Steps to guide the thought process?

  1. Journalling with abandon! Writing allows thoughts to flow from my hands.  It is an amazing mystery.  A thought with no physicality becomes physical as it appears on an empty screen or paper.  Even more mysterious is how thoughts can turn into events.  An important book, Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron, recommends writing three pages a day.  It is suggested that these pages are written with free abandon. In the three pages,  am not trying to impress anyone or anything.  As I write and let my thoughts trust me enough to flow, I build a relationship with my mind.  And, something else happens.  I begin to realize that there is another “someone” observing these thoughts.  I begin to realize that there is a bigger me than the wild untamed me.  I begin to see a me (the sane one) and a me that is my ego (the crazy one, or I would like to say, the lesser of the sane ones).  Writing 3 pages a day is a wonderful exercise and almost a meditation in the mystery always evolving within.
  2. Blogging with consistency! It is so easy to give up writing, especially when you think no one is paying attention.  Yet, blogging can be a personal growth process.  When I write this blog, I can only imagine who will be reading my thoughts.  You are reading, but I don’t know much about you.  I can’t tailor my thoughts to what I perceive you want to hear.  I do know you are human and so with a new sort of abandon. I offer you my heart.  There is something else  I wish to communicate from my best self, so I work a bit harder in writing to you and edit what I write.  In this attempt, I am more aware of my thoughts and the progress I am making in guiding them to serve me … and others.
  3. Taking a good look in the mirror!  I pass a mirror so many times a day without using it’s power.Thoughts that do not serve me, easily appear:  Am I fat?  Do I look old?  Wish my legs weren’t so bowl-legged!  I don’t look so bad.  Yeah, I look pretty good! These are the wild thoughts that are freely roaming about, making me feel good or bad about myself without my consent.  These are the thoughts that may not serve me.  With a little bit of consciousness, I can use a mirror to meet up with the sane one .  I can look right into my eyes and have a moment of great humor, spark, joy, confidence.  I can also gently guide my mind to understand that these are the types of thoughts I prefer.  I can become aware of thoughts during the day and gently guide my mind back to harmony within me!

Today is my 72nd Birthday. So much fun!   I look forward to an eternity of expanding thoughts into wonderful creations.  Thank you for sharing part of my day.  Hope these comments are as helpful to you as they are for me!

 

 

Creating Thoughts That Serve You!

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

Guide your thoughts to serve you

This is the best.  Copy and paste it, print it and put it up on your wall.  It can bring consciousness to you as you pass it in the hallway.  Or, you could use it as your desktop wallpaper.  It has the power to remind you to choose thoughts that serve you.

I can choose my thoughts.  The thing is, I am usually so unconscious as to what my mind is conversing about at a constant pace that I am not usually aware that I have a choice at all!  Thoughts seem to be my ego and I often listen to that long-time friend.  It says I don’t have a choice at all!

But a choice I have.  I can be servants to my thoughts.  My thoughts tell me that the economy is bad.  I read the news to find out if this is true.  And, of course, I find lots of articles that will tell me that everyone better be concerned.  And, so I worry and feel sick and scared, and irritated at whoever comes into my midst.  It is no fun being a servant of my careless thoughts.

I need to remind myself that my mind has an automatic function and if left unattended will automatically dish out thoughts previously thought or read about. . It’s the reason I can type these words so easily, without even being aware of what letters I’m tapping on.   The mind can sort out and remember data that comes to me  just like a computer. My ego has developed within the mind and can dish up thoughts to its satisfaction, like eating when I’m not hungry.  If I don’t organize that data the way I, my happiest self, want it to serve me, if I just let the data run every which way, my body will receive instructions.  Yes.  My body is  dependent on my mind and my heart.

The question is, do I want to let the mind have free-wheeling power over my existence?

For me the answer is an emphatic, NO!  Well, not when it feeds me emotions of fear, worry, irritation, hopelessness, that type of thing.  But I like the automatic body directions, like walking and dancing and, yes, typing!

Unless I am aware of my thoughts, they run me.  I keep hearing this, but I keep ignoring this seemingly simple fact.   It is so easy to take orders from the thoughts.  I often act on thoughts that I did not really choose, and then regret it as if I had a choice.  But I did have a choice.  I could have chosen to put thoughts into my mind that were pleasant and helpful for me to gain my dreams!  I could have chosen to learn a new skill, take a new course, listen to a new piece of music, sketch or paint, exercise, mediate, visit with friends, take a walk, play a game with my family.  I did not have to let outside random news stories take possession of my life and the health of my body.

And I haven’t even talked about commercials!

I worry about the future of my job.  I worry about the amount of money I will need to survive in the future.  I worry just about everything when I read the news.  I was taught in school to be civic minded by reading current events.  So even though the news has always been geared to what is shockingly wrong, I dutifully read, if I don’t consciously stop myself.  Many times I am  just curious to know what is going on in the world.  I guess I believe I’m going to read some good news.  It never happens and I am filling my mind with fear, concern, disgust, judgements about things I really don’t even know about because I’m reading a 2nd hand account.   The fact is, it is challenging to read the news and stay conscious, alert, enough to sort through what I will allow myself to think about.

Here comes the good stuff.  It is possible to make my thoughts serve me.  What is it that I want.  I want to reap the benefits of my core nature, love and happiness.  These sweet energies do not exist in worry and concern.  Negative thoughts are like the worst party poopers!  These thoughts try to cover up and make me forget that there is such a thing as love and happiness.  These thoughts are determined to eliminate any enjoyment.  Well enough about the negative thoughts.

The thing is, I have to first be aware that they are running rapid in my mind and making my life miserable.  Once I can do that, — ah! — I can choose a few thoughts of my own.  I can clean-up the computer of my mind and create a most magnificent day for myself and for everyone around me.

That is the choice we all have.  Whenever you feel miserable, you can look to our thoughts.  What have you been thinking about?  If you have just been reacting to a friend, to a news story, to a car who cut in front of you, to the load of work you have to accomplish, chances are you are now servants of those thoughts.  You don’t like being servants of negativity.  The alternative, of course, is to change your upload of thoughts.

Dare to enjoy life by enjoying life!  Leave the news behind.  News isn’t new.  It was cautioning us to be very a very afraid when I was a child and it is no different now.  We will always have people telling us that the end is near.  The question is, will we listen?

Will we train our mind to think thoughts that serve us and our pursuit of happiness.  It will take courage and discipline and delight and fun, but I think we are up to it.  This is possible because our core of love is strong beyond estimation!

No matter what  you perceive your situation to be, create thoughts that will permit you to have a most satisfying and happy day!

Love Food For Thought

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

I am healing myself by teaching through writing.  As I offer to help others I am healing what keeps me from love.

We all need to be healed.  To some degree, we have allowed separation from our source of energy, love.  It shows up in regret, hesitation, worry, fear, pessimism, guilt, regret, and most obviously in the way we regard  and perceive others’ behavior.

I know what this feels like.  It feels awful.  One moment a friend is praising  you about something you really needed to hear.  You feel like a million dollars and hold onto that comment.  The next time you meet, your friend is with a mutual friend, and acts in a totally different defensive manner.

You’re upset for giving your friend power to raise you up and let you fall again.  You shake your head and feel disappointed that you cannot count on this friend.  You say to yourself that you won’t place so much faith in people next time.  You really are feeling bad.

Ah, but you don’t want to remain with negative thinking, so you look for a way out.  And here is the gold that lies within this type of relationship experience.

One different way of thinking about this experience is to realize that, as uncomfortable as it might sound, the relationship you had with this friend actually mirrors the exact relationship up-to-now you have had with yourself.  What?! you say.

Pause for a moment before you read on.  Your ego can be defending its territory.  It actually likes the struggle over peace.  Take a breath and read on.

Can you find similarities with yourself?  Does the experience you had with your friend seem identical to the experience you have had with mood swings.  One day you are delighted with yourself and all of life around you, another day  you seem to be a different person. Instead of being one with all of life around you, you are defensive of everything and everyone around you.

This new perspective can be both exciting and troubling at first.  Again, the ego likes contrast situations, and that’s the trouble.  The exciting part is that you are getting closer to your core of love.  It’s up to you what direction you wish to choose

Your friend probably was not aware of why she was acting one way and then another way, another time.  Are there mysterious things going on behind the scenes of our bodies’ awareness?  Could your friend be acting in a sphere that mirrors something going on in her life, only see her relationship with herself more clearly?  Only you can decide.

Try this out.  Look at relationship situations that come up during the day.  Look at the ones that particularly bother you.  See if you can find similarities to the way you treat yourself .  There may be a message in this experience for you.  There may be a new insight into how much you waver in the love of yourself.  The more you love yourself, the more your relationship experiences with others will change and improve.

Unlock your ability to love.  Love food for thought!

Choosing Cooperation Over Conflict

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

Cooperation over conflictThe response within any given situation, affects the direction a situation will take.

Every day we are challenged by the ebb and flow of events on so many levels.  We may or may not be aware of the numerous situations that are occurring within the doors of our existence.

The car in front of you stalls at a traffic light,  a room mate leaves dirty dishes on the table, one friend is grumpy and a bit obnoxious, one neighbor has recently loss a loved one and you don’t know exactly how to support her, one sister is celebrating a birthday and you don’t know what to give her, one co-worker just found out he has cancer, one child is whining over the breakfast that was given them, and this is just the story of people you know.   All of us come to the day with situational stories each and every day.

When you are not aware of the situations that are forming all round you and your friends and family, things can get pretty overwhelming.  The more you focus on the irritating situation, the worse it gets.  Has it ever occurred to you that you participate in the development of situations?  Are you willing to pause and be present to what is happening in the moment before things get too irritating?    There are ways to build better outcomes, more pleasing situations from what is currently happening.

Be present. Avoid conflict. Rethink what you may have heard.

Once you recognize a challenging situation, you can also realize that it has already occurred, a done deal. It may have taken you by surprise and surprise usually comes with a bit of apprehension. But no matter. The event has taken place and now is in the past, so simply reacting to it probably will create a defensive situation.  And, what are you defending?  Something that happened in the past, not now.  You are fighting the past and not present to what is going on now.  That is, if you aren’t giving it continued focus and attention.  You can prolong situations by magnifying its impact — either positively or negatively.

What happens when a child is upset?  You usually experience an irritated feeling rising within you. You may look for support from those around you.  You may feel like shutting out your child, cutting them out of your world.  You may begin to daydream about times when you were free of all these responsibilities.  You may begin down a slippery slope of wishing you could be anyone else but who you are now.  You unknowingly separate yourself from your world, your family,  and your child.  You have unknowingly created a new conflicted situation where you are on different sides.  At this point, you may not even be able to love your child.  You probably cannot come up with any solution for the whining and begin to yell at the child to stop their whining!  And you feel even worse. Situations have a way of spiraling away from a solution and it can become exhausting for you, your family and your child.

The same situations can occur in the workplace.  A co-worker is late for work and creates stress while welcoming customers and answering phones in your little shop.  You unknowingly separate yourself from your co-worker. All sorts of thoughts begin to arise.  You have no idea where they came from.  You place your co-worker outside of your world to protect yourself and unknowingly create a situation of greater unhappiness..   Your situation spirals away from meeting the early morning challenge with humor to a day of bad feelings between you and your co-worker who was fifteen minutes late.  You may consider yourself powerless over the morning situation that was clearly the fault of the co-worker.  You may feel even righteous that you were on time.  But these defensive feelings will never bring about happiness, peace and cooperation.

These negative feelings can only be helpful to you when you are present (conscious of them). They can alert us: we are no longer dealing with the present challenge. They can alert us that we have power to move a situation into a more positive light.

I’m sure you will agree, it is difficult when you are surprised by an unforeseen situation.  We are challenged when asked to accept a situation that we did not choose.  While control makes us feel secure, losing control makes us feel fearful, frustrated, and even angry.  The more these emotions rise, the worse our situations seem to become.

As stated before, a situation will develop in accord with your initial and continual response or reaction to it.

When we cling to unconscious control, we get attached to how things should play out and we get stuck in the problem. When we are present we are able to rethink the situation and move toward a better situation. By supporting our family, friends or co-workers in positive ways, we create future situations of cooperation. We build a better, more satisfying world for ourselves.

Cooperation: working together without conflict.

Positive Attitudes Soar Over Fear

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

You probably havel been surprised by some compelling situation that calls out your fearful side.  Perhaps it was an over-due bill in the mail or a very real concern that you could lose your job.  There are so many situation where fear can usurp all of your attention.  The situation appears to be bigger than you are.  This appears to be the situation that you always feared would come.  It takes command of your very self.  You are taken by the attraction of fear  and it seems impossible to do anything but be a victim.

Then you may hear a faint, soft, breeze-of-a-voice, whisper that there is nothing to fear.  You can’t yet take your focus off fear, though.  You know better.  This time things are really going to be bad.  You knew it would come and here it comes!

The voice  may be quiet but it holds its own strength and does not rely on you.  It  continues to urge you not to believe in the situation.  This time you listen to this soft voice from within.  You tacitly, at first, choose to create in your mind a happier scenario as to what is going to happen.  You calm yourself and know that happiness is the only thing you wish to cling to.  This fear contains no happiness.  You cannot cling to this fear.  You must let it go, even though it seems to envelop your entire being.

Maybe it was just a spark of a moment, but a moment it was and you  turn your attention to something a bit brighter.  You listen to some music.  You wash the dishes in your kitchen or vacuum your floor. You like how you feel and you have heard that you can choose happy over fear. Fear tries to remind you of the situation and begs to get your attention.

This time, you will not believe in the fear. You tell yourself that fear is dark and happiness is light — bright light.  You begin to sing a song you learned as a child, This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!  This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!  This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine, let it shine, all the time, let it shine.    You begin to feel better and you know you are back in the happy zone.

And then comes the most amazing thing.  Your whole situation vanishes.  What you thought was going to happen, is transferred into an entirely different scenario.  Instead of the bill being overdue, it has a credit on the collection line.    Instead of you being fired, you are called in to participate in a new project and even get a raise.  These things happen in the happy zone.  And it’s available for everyone.  Your decision to choose to focus on what you wanted and not on what you did not want changed everything right before your eyes.

Today, meet each challenge with a little confidence.  Know you are a wonderful  super someone who is still uncovering what is, very joyful and wishing to stay that way.  Know you choose to live a life of love.  Love is always the answer.  Take it with you throughout this day.

 

Each of us can do our part to get rid of semi-automatic assault guns

| Barbara Dean Aliaga

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This is my contribution.  I am writing to those who, like me,  are not particularly inclined to speak up politically to deaf ears.

I am proposing very elementary first steps in bringing a change to the presence of semi-automatic assault rifles.  Perhaps they have already been addressed.  But they are important enough to me to chance repetition.

Arguments with the NRA or the current government electorate appears to be ineffectual.  I live a peaceful life.  But even I feel I must try to do something about people being shot randomly while going about their peaceful and productive lives.

It now is perfectly clear to me that what is referred to as assault rifles are designed to kill people in large numbers.  Peaceful people don’t really think about guns, especially rapid firing guns.  Perhaps we can remain peaceful, and yet create a non-governmental solution to the challenge of non-peaceful people taking our lives prematurely.

ACTIONS WE CAN TAKE, without even leaving our homes:

  1. Retailers:  Discontinue selling semi-automatic assault rifles and any other guns that can produce rapid fire on groups of people.  Do this today.
  2. Consumers:  Discontinue to shop in stores where these assault rifles are sold, including gun shows, to encourage the elimination of this inventory. Do this today.
    1. Use social media.  Visit these stores’ pages and continue to comment your encouragement to discontinue selling assault rifles and empty your inventory responsibly.
    2. Become familiar with gun show conventions.  A simple google search will uncover a world that most of us are unfamiliar with.  Encourage the dis-allowing of assault weapons inventory at conventions.
  3. Manufacturers:  If you must make assault rifles for armed forces, stop making financial  gains by selling to the public for sport.  Keep assault rifles out of the hands of civilians and peace officers.
    1. Use social medial.  Visit these manufacturers on-line and continue to encourage manufacturers to open their minds to the well-being of ordinary people.
  4. People who already own these assault weapons:  please oversee the destruction of these weapons.  These are not sport weapons.  The risk of owning these assault weapons (getting into the wrong hands for mass murder) far exceed the benefits of having fun. 
  5. Everything is possible in love. As you write and talk with people, stay within the power of love.

I realize that fear is a self-created emotion that causes some to defend illusionary enemies.  Until we can get rid of this fear, let us take defensive assault weapons out of the equation. Let us do this first in the market place. I hope these comments are helpful.  Please do what inspires you to bring about a more peaceful world within you.